Whatever position one takes on abortion, everyone agrees that the abortion decision is a serious one. For some time in my own life, I did not know what position to take on the issue. I was a new Christian and I knew many Christians opposed abortion, but I had always assumed a woman's body was her own and no one should tell her what she can and can't do with it. I was truly in the undecided middle on the issue.
At this time I spoke to the mother of a friend of mine. In the course of our conversation I mentioned my ambivalence on this issue, that I really did not know what to think. She appreciated my uncertainty, but she also said that she had known women who had undergone abortions and she saw that abortion had wounded these women, leaving them with serious emotional damage. Because of this wise woman's words, my conviction moved subtly but firmly to the pro-life side. If abortion is supposed to help women but in fact damages them, I reasoned, then the best option-for both mother and child-is to err on the side of life.
My uncertainty about abortion was intellectual. How common is such uncertainty about abortion among women who go for the procedure, and what effect does this uncertainty have on these women later in their lives?
A 2004 study found 54% of post-aborted women had doubts about the decision; sadly, this study found 67% of these women received no counseling whatsoever before the procedure. Pro-choice sociologist Mary Zimmerman's book "Passage Through Abortion" studied a group of 40 post-abortion women. David Reardon summarizes Zimmerman's results this way: "Fully 70% of women studied expressed disapproval of abortion, seeing it as deviant or immoral. But seeing themselves as forced by others, by their circumstances, or by society at large, they frequently attempted to deny responsibility for what they believed was an immoral act. In other words, 70% of these aborted women felt forced to compromise their own values and ideals." In 1986 Uta Landy, then executive director of the National Abortion Federation, wrote "Some women's feelings about their pregnancy are not simply ambivalent but deeply confused." Sylvia Stengle, a later director of the National Abortion Federation, said in 1994 that 20% of women undergo abortions even though they believe the procedure is morally wrong. She identified these women as a "very worrisome subset of our patients" and that "Sometimes, ethically, an [abortion] provider has to say 'If you think you are doing something wrong, I don't want to help you do that.'"
Australian journalist and women's rights advocate Melinda Tankard Reist compiled "Giving Sorrow Words", a book of personal accounts of women describing their post-abortion experiences. Reist received 150 submissions after placing notices in newspapers, magazines and other locations. The submissions varied from a single page to book-length. Some of the accounts are chilling and heartbreaking.
The last entry in Reist's book, written by a woman named Lee, covers 24 pages. Her journal of both pre- and post-abortion is grueling reading. Portions are related below.
****************
"I said I didn't want a baby and hated my partner [for not having a vasectomy earlier]. I also said I was scared of feeling a great sense of loss after the abortion, that I was very ambivalent about the situation and while I didn't think it sensible to have a baby, I was really shocked that part of me wanted to keep it and couldn't bear to lose it. The counselor told me that ambivalence was normal. She said that she had seen women who were 80/20, 70/30, 60/40, even 51/49 about whether to have an abortion, and they were okay afterwards...I wanted to drop to the floor and sob, "But you don't understand, I want this baby." But I didn't. Such ambivalence was 'normal' and no one should have a baby just because they couldn't face an abortion.
I write to the abortion clinic:
Dear Counselor,
It's been just over two months since my abortion...I found it an extremely difficult decision to make and was very ambivalent right up to the time of the abortion. I believed it would be an easy thing to do and I would primarily feel relieved. I certainly didn't expect to feel completely devastated, cry for weeks on end and find myself swamped by full blown grief."
The counselor at the clinic responds by phone to my letter. She says, "But you were sure about not wanting another baby."
I say: "Yes I was sure about not wanting another baby, but I didn't know how it would feel to lose it."
I have thought since to say:
"Yes, I was sure about not wanting another baby, but I had one. To make the decision about another baby when you're not pregnant is one thing. To make the decision about another baby when you are pregnant can be a completely different thing. Yes I was sure about not wanting another baby but I was not sure about terminating the one I had."
Never did [the counselor] point out, and never did I anticipate, that you also have to be clear about wanting an abortion, to live with one."
*******************
Later, Lee decided to try for another child, hoping that it would help her to heal. She did get pregnant, and give birth to a baby boy. Soon after the delivery she said "I feel the most incredible and profound sense of relief. We [she and father] both spent the first two weeks crying at how we nearly didn't have the baby and how we'd finally made the right decision...it seems absolutely like the only thing I could have done-to heal, to soften, to make a new start, to begin to forgive...From great grief, pain, rage, regret, has come new life, new hope, a second chance, and a beautiful baby."
Ambivalence about abortion is widespread; the aftermath of abortion is potentially devastating. Let us support and protect women and children. No to abortion; yes to love and life.
Rudy Poglitsh
rpoglitsh@live.com
more letters at http://letterstotheTOS.blogspot.com
