Every day we read about Swaziland's financial woes and her efforts to get money to stay afloat. There are other ways, however, that a nation can sink: one of them is the disintegration of marriage and family. A Swazi friend recently told me stories of relationship chaos in the country. Story one: a man and a woman have a child together, then the father marries some other woman and the wife doesn't want the child around. The mother doesn't want the child, and so this daughter is left rudderless. Is it any wonder that this girl starts getting into trouble? She has never known the love and direction of her father or mother. She tells my friend, in as many words, that no one cares for her-so why should she care what she does? Story two: unmarried mom starts dating a man and introduces him to her daughter. Thing is, boyfriend and daughter are better "introduced" than mom knows, as they have a relationship that mom doesn't know about. Story three: A man stays in town with his live-in lover. Additionally, he marries a girl back in his home area. The "girl back home" knows about the woman in town, and when the man dies, the home girl comes to collect all the late man's possessions. "But we had a joint bank account, and children together!" protests the woman in town. "Irrelevant", replies the home girl's family. "You and he were never married. Give us all the stuff".
If you try to build a house with crumbling bricks, the house will fall. The family is the basic unit of society; if too many families disintegrate or never truly form in the first place, poverty, juvenile crime, teenage pregnancies, and the pain and heartbreak that accompany these ill-effects will multiply. As my friends' stories illustrate, these negative outcomes are already upon us.
Unlike Swaziland's current financial predicament, the resources to repair the marriage and family crisis are within reach. Saving sex for marriage, and keeping sex in marriage between one husband and one wife, is the way to increase love and security for generations. May men and women save sex for their one and only spouse. Doing so will multiply happiness and strengthen the nation.
Rudy Poglitsh
rpoglitsh@live.com
more letters at http://letterstotheTOS.blogspot.com
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Response to Single Lilly II
"My view of life...is very simple. Put simply, I believe that life is dolorously boring and hence has no meaning whatsoever".
So begins Single Lilly's opinion piece entitled "Teenage Abortion: Why It's Not So Bad". I suspect, however, that Ms. Lilly looks both ways before crossing the street and does not engage in drink-driving every Friday and Saturday night. Probably she eats three meals a day and does not juggle Homelite chainsaws while they are running. But if she really believes what she says, why wouldn't she close her eyes when crossing Gwamile on a busy Tuesday morning, or see just how many limb-dismembering Homelites she can keep in the air at once? Such actions certainly would relieve the boredom, and if they ended in her death, well, she's already said life has no meaning, so there'd be no loss.
In all likelihood Ms. Lilly engages in (and refrains from) a large number of behaviours which result in her continued survival and health. What we do always shows what we believe. We conclude, therefore, that Ms. Lilly believes life (hers at least) has enough meaning to act in ways intended to keep it going. Since Ms. Lilly's life is no more or less valuable than any other human life, let's see if abortion really is not so bad for the meaningful lives of women and children.
Ms. Lilly says "from what I've witnessed from close friends, abortion is usually a decision taken calmly, sanely and rationally". A couple of qualifiers deserve mention here. One, the women for whom abortion was a terrifying decision and experience probably aren't going to talk about it the way a sports fan talks about his favorite team or a young man talks about his new love. We naturally avoid discussion of events that hurt us. Consequently, Ms. Lilly has not heard much from the women for whom abortion was (and continues to be) a disaster. Two, the number of women Ms. Lilly has spoken to (specifically, her close friends) is relatively small, compared to all the women who undergo abortions. Her sample is not representative. What do representative surveys tell us about womens' experiences with abortion?
Dr. David Reardon of the Elliot Institute in America studies the effects of abortion on women. His website http://www.afterabortion.org contains oceans of research on the topic. Consider a few results of much larger surveys in Europe, Britain and the United States:
* 64% of women having abortions felt pressured by others.
* 52% felt rushed and 54% were not sure about the decision at the time.
* In a survey of women who sought help after abortion, 83% said they would have carried to term if they had received support from the baby’s father, their family, or other important people in their lives.
* 84% reported that they did not receive adequate counseling.
* 79% were not informed about available alternatives.
* 31% of women suffered health complications after abortion. 10% suffer immediate complications, one-fifth of which are life-threatening.
* Women have a 65% higher risk of clinical depression after abortion compared to women who give birth.
* 65% suffer multiple symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder after abortion.
* Death rates from all causes are 3.5 times higher among women who abort, compared to women who give birth.
* 60% said “part of me died,” according to a survey of women who aborted.
* Suicide rates are 6 times higher for post-aborted women compared to women who give birth.
Clearly, the vast majority of women who undergo abortions suffer from them. Bearing in mind that we avoid discussion of painful experiences, the above results may under-represent the number of women injured through abortion.
The vast majority of us want to live rich and fulfilling lives. In our best moments, we also wish this for other people. Surveys of post-abortive women indicate that abortion is not the way to build those rich and fulfilling lives. Let us stand in solidarity and charity with women in crisis pregnancies; let us give them the love and support they need to take care of their unexpected children. The moms, the children, and we the helpers will all grow because of the experience.
So begins Single Lilly's opinion piece entitled "Teenage Abortion: Why It's Not So Bad". I suspect, however, that Ms. Lilly looks both ways before crossing the street and does not engage in drink-driving every Friday and Saturday night. Probably she eats three meals a day and does not juggle Homelite chainsaws while they are running. But if she really believes what she says, why wouldn't she close her eyes when crossing Gwamile on a busy Tuesday morning, or see just how many limb-dismembering Homelites she can keep in the air at once? Such actions certainly would relieve the boredom, and if they ended in her death, well, she's already said life has no meaning, so there'd be no loss.
In all likelihood Ms. Lilly engages in (and refrains from) a large number of behaviours which result in her continued survival and health. What we do always shows what we believe. We conclude, therefore, that Ms. Lilly believes life (hers at least) has enough meaning to act in ways intended to keep it going. Since Ms. Lilly's life is no more or less valuable than any other human life, let's see if abortion really is not so bad for the meaningful lives of women and children.
Ms. Lilly says "from what I've witnessed from close friends, abortion is usually a decision taken calmly, sanely and rationally". A couple of qualifiers deserve mention here. One, the women for whom abortion was a terrifying decision and experience probably aren't going to talk about it the way a sports fan talks about his favorite team or a young man talks about his new love. We naturally avoid discussion of events that hurt us. Consequently, Ms. Lilly has not heard much from the women for whom abortion was (and continues to be) a disaster. Two, the number of women Ms. Lilly has spoken to (specifically, her close friends) is relatively small, compared to all the women who undergo abortions. Her sample is not representative. What do representative surveys tell us about womens' experiences with abortion?
Dr. David Reardon of the Elliot Institute in America studies the effects of abortion on women. His website http://www.afterabortion.org contains oceans of research on the topic. Consider a few results of much larger surveys in Europe, Britain and the United States:
* 64% of women having abortions felt pressured by others.
* 52% felt rushed and 54% were not sure about the decision at the time.
* In a survey of women who sought help after abortion, 83% said they would have carried to term if they had received support from the baby’s father, their family, or other important people in their lives.
* 84% reported that they did not receive adequate counseling.
* 79% were not informed about available alternatives.
* 31% of women suffered health complications after abortion. 10% suffer immediate complications, one-fifth of which are life-threatening.
* Women have a 65% higher risk of clinical depression after abortion compared to women who give birth.
* 65% suffer multiple symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder after abortion.
* Death rates from all causes are 3.5 times higher among women who abort, compared to women who give birth.
* 60% said “part of me died,” according to a survey of women who aborted.
* Suicide rates are 6 times higher for post-aborted women compared to women who give birth.
Clearly, the vast majority of women who undergo abortions suffer from them. Bearing in mind that we avoid discussion of painful experiences, the above results may under-represent the number of women injured through abortion.
The vast majority of us want to live rich and fulfilling lives. In our best moments, we also wish this for other people. Surveys of post-abortive women indicate that abortion is not the way to build those rich and fulfilling lives. Let us stand in solidarity and charity with women in crisis pregnancies; let us give them the love and support they need to take care of their unexpected children. The moms, the children, and we the helpers will all grow because of the experience.
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